The statement, “It’s different when it’s your own” is a popular bingo said to childfree people. Check out our blog BINGO! The Game Childfree People Hate to Play for more information on the topic.
Sometimes coming up with a response to a bingo can be difficult, so it is a bit of a relief to find real life experience to back you up. On the website Reddit, user “SugarPlumFairyDust” (Original Poster) wrote in the “childfree” subReddit about a conversation had with a friend.
The Original Poster (OP) leads with the title:
“‘It’s different when it’s your own!’ debunked by a friend with a kid”
Due to an unplanned pregnancy, the OP’s friend had a child and is now caught in the balance of motherly love v/s patience.
“One of my friends had an ‘oops’ baby a few years ago and she was never a kid person (running theme in my life!) and she broke down and told me that while she truly does love her son, she just has little to no patience for him and straight up just doesn’t like him a lot of the time.”
OP’s friend, as a mother, has little patience for children in general. She even attempts to physically distance herself from her own child as interactions become irritating.
“She loses her temper on him over every whine and hides from him because she just can’t stand to listen to his little voice or tolerate his constant need to be touching her daily. She told me if I really, truly cannot stand the sound of little voices and being grabbed by little hands and having a small irrational person screaming at me and not listening to me all the time when it’s someone else’s kids, it’s actually not gonna just magically go away because kid pulling that shit is mine.”
The OP is told that there isn’t a unconditional love switch that gets flipped just because someone becomes a parent.
“She said the amount of patience she has for her children is only marginally more than other people’s children and it’s only because of obligation. She straight up told me don’t have kids because it sucks and the “magic mommy bonding” thing is a lie moms like to tell.”
Continuing, the OP’s friend tells her that being a happy person doesn’t always translate to being a happy parent.
“She said I’m a good person and she definitely can see me being kind and loving to my own child but that it would definitely be to my detriment and it would make me deeply unhappy, even if I had the ability to not show it. It made me extremely sad for her but I admit, I did feel very vindicated.”
Reddit allows for other users to respond on posts and other users’ comments. Here are what some said:
“My friend who has a small kid once told me ‘the amount of love you feel, give, and get is exactly equal to the amount of frustration, stress, and anxiety you feel as a mother’.
I am glad that your friend is being realistic and open about her feelings. Reflecting on our emotions and taking them seriously is a crucial step in gaining control over them. Dismissing those feelings, sugarcoating them for appearance, and feeling guilty about them can drive people insane.” – Spare_Hornet
“My friend had a couple of kids and she said they follow you into the bathroom and such. For the first five years, they’re very touchy and I’ve seen more than one mother say that she doesn’t want to be touched anymore. She’s had another person cling to her all day and then the husband comes along… Arhg. Nope nope nope.” – bonboncolon
“The magic mommy bonding lie is one of the worst. My best friend is the only person to ever tell me the truth about it. She said when she saw her baby for the first time she felt nothing not the magical forget all the pain and nothing else matters love women say happens instantly. The way people spread that BS made her feel like something was wrong with her for not feeling it. I’m glad you’re friend was honest with you and has you to confide in.” – sqwasit
“One of my best friends was the type that said ‘oh you’ll change your mind’, until she had kids. Now she always advocates for only having them if you really want them. So now I’m the place she goes to get away from her kids for a few hours. It’s great for both of us.” – CoconutCynic
“Oh my. I know this is going to be me. Everyone keeps telling me ‘it’s different when it’s your own’… now I’m on the fence. I know this is exactly how I’ll be/feel if I have a child, which definitely keeps me leaning to the childfree side on that fence post.” – dg_hj25
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